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Post Coital Late Night Vampire Sarnies

June 28, 2012

Post Coital Late Night Vampire Sarnies


We (the “DQ” crew) have a musically inclined DJ friend who is a modern day Austin Powers – a true man about town / rock and roll ladies man who just exudes that Brit charm.

Words and photos by: DineGirl


One day while assisting on a photo shoot, I got to chatting with him about food, and he mentioned that the other day he wanted to make a soft boiled egg, but realized that he didn’t even know how to boil water. I’m sure he was joking but I think my eyeballs just about jumped out of their sockets! Eggs can be a little tricky actually, unless you’re okay with 70s style green ring around the yolk sort of thing. I guess consulting the world wide web didn’t occur to him, but I started to ponder about what sort of non-cook food skills would be useful for guys like him and other gentlemen on the late night prowl…… especially during a vampire moment when they need to feast on something and also impress an overnight guest in the wee small hours of the night.

There’s almost nothing easier to make than a sandwich….

There’s a scene in the Terminator when Sarah’s roommate Ginger goes into the kitchen to make a big ‘ol honkin sandwich in the middle of the night while her boyfriend Matt gets clobbered by Arnie. (“Don’t make me bust you up, man!”) How good did that sandwich look?? Ginger’s deli style sandwich had several meats with fresh lettuce and tomatoes – basically the works, but not to despair if the fridge isn’t stocked up. There are some very tasty British style sandwiches (known as “sarnies”) that do not require any fresh veg at all.

Here are two tasty sarnie recipes that any aspiring Austin Powers can make in a matter of minutes. Yeah, baby!!

Bacon Sarnie

A British classic, it’s basically a BLT without the L and T.

You’ll need:

Freshly cooked bacon – not too crispy
Bread – roll or crusty type of baguette works best to soak up the bacon
Room temperature unsalted butter *

*tip: leave the butter out when you head out for the night, that way when you come home it will be soft and spreadable. It won’t seem presumptuous since after all it’s just butter. Or microwave for 10 sec max to soften slightly.


Fry the bacon and drain on a paper towel. Butter each side of the bread in a thin layer, all the way to the end. Warm the bread slightly in the bacon pan over med heat so the bread soaks up some of the bacon grease. Layer the bacon, cut sandwich in half and enjoy. Some people put a few drops of Worchestershire sauce on the bacon as well, but this is all a matter of preference and level of intoxication.

Cheese & Pickle Sandwich

This is a cold sandwich originating as part of the Ploughman’s lunch.(And applicable here since there is some sort of ploughing going on hopefully). These were cold snacks served in pubs with some cheddar cheese, Branston pickle and maybe some other cold salad items alongside a pint. Branston pickle is one of those weird British staples like Marmite that has a distinct flavor, but is also what makes this sandwich so delicious. I might be mistaken but I think wholefoods carries it, but you can definitely buy it online or at a British grocery store.

You’ll need:

Branston pickle – original or small chunks depending on your taste*
Extra sharp cheddar cheese – preferably English cheddar
Room temperature unsalted butter
Bread – whole grain or any everyday loaf style works best


Spread a thin layer of butter on both slices of untoasted bread.
Spread a layer of Branston pickle on each slice, followed by a layer
of sliced cheddar cheese. Slice in half and enjoy.

*Where to source Branston’s pickle:

Since you cannot substitute Branston’s pickle, here are a few links:
Myers of Keswick :
Kalustyan’s :
And when in doubt….

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